where the struggles lay (part 2)

ADDICTION: the state of being enslave to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma (from www.dictionary.com) 



wake-up. have a diet mountain dew. driving to work. working on a second one. get to work. by 8am have a third one. by lunch, have no idea how many have been consumed. have a few more in the afternoon. get ready to go to bed. make sure to have one sitting by the bed. may need a sip during the night.

a month ago i was praying about my participation in the 21 day fast that my church was doing. i asked the Lord what He would have me give up. the first immediate answer was diet mountain dew. i told the Lord that that would be the hardest thing i could do. 

day 2 of the fast i had a headache and was so nauseous that i wanted nothing to do with the world. all i needed (i thought) was a diet mountain dew. then i could proceed with this thing called life. in that time of desperation, i called to the LORD and asked for help. this happened again on day 3 and has happened several more times. 

my nausea and headaches came from my body being physically addicted to diet mountain dew. i would jokingly admit before that i had an addiction diet mountain dew. it is from this fast that i have learned that i had a real addiction. i had my body addicted to it so much that my body had become dependent on it.


DISCIPLINE: training to improve strength or self-control



a month ago when i was praying about what to give up i had no idea what the LORD was going to do for me personally through the journey of the 21 day fast. 

week number 2 of the fast is wrapping up. for me personally the Lord has taught me how to have discipline in my life. becoming disciplined with not drinking diet mountain dew has carried over into discipline into discipline in waking up in the mornings and spending quality time with Lord. i am actually remembering throughout the day what i learned in my quiet time that morning. i have become disciplined in keeping up with my reading through the New Testament in one year plan. the list goes on...

coming to the realization and admitting that i had a serious addiction was not planned when i started the 21 day fast.


there are other things the LORD has taught me through this 21 day fast. In intentionally seeking the LORD for the future there are practical steps that He has led me to take. i will be sharing more of that in the coming days. in the meantime, for those currently taking part in this fast, I am praying for you to help you remain strong. for those reading this and not having taken part in a fast before, i encourage you to do so with the intentions of seeking the LORD in a very intentional way. be open to what the LORD has to show you during this time. if you do not have a relationship with the LORD i would love to share with you how you can have one.

Where the struggles lay (Part 1)

  "For  we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against  the rulers, against the authorities, against  the cosmic powers over  this present darkness, against  the spiritual forces of evil  in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

The "present darkness" is satan & his attempts to attack us in our weakness. 

My weakness is my thoughts. It's like a war going on in my brain. Your not good enough. You'll never be able to achieve that. Why even try you're just going to fail. For me I constantly battle in my mind. satan wants me to give up or not try for fear of failure or not pleasing others.

And  let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap,  if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9 )

Yet God calls me, COMMANDS, to not give up.

 He also is gracious to give me this command/help

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

My church has been a 21 day fast in which we give up something for 21 days and seek the LORD for our future, our family's future, a friend's future, our nation's future, & the future of our church. During the first week of fast The Lord has really caused me to examine myself and through scripture & a devotional I've been reading the Lord has been faithful to show me where I've struggled in the past (& still struggle) so that I can better serve Him in the future. This blog entry is part 1 of  my journey in the 21 day fast & what The Lord has taught me thus far. This entry is by no means a way of me trying to get attention for myself! (I want all glory to go to God for what He has taught me & I look forward to sharing in the next couple of days and weeks to what God has taught me!!

Looking back

              When looking at back at the end of each year, I am floored by all that God has done in my life that year (and am continual amazement in all that He has done for me in my life)! At the mountain tops and the lowest points of the valley of each and every year, He has been faithful to carry me through it all. And this year has been no different!I look forward to what He has in store for 2013 with great anticipation!!

Spiritual lesson of 2012: I am underservingly covered by His grace (though I already knew this..God pressed this lesson into me through Bible studies, BSF, and the Lightbearers Institute)

Some highlights of my personal life in 2012:
- I finally finished my degree at the University of Arkansas in April of this year...A HUGE HUGE THANK-YOU to all of those who pushed me & encouraged me to make that finish!!
- I went on a mission trip to Haiti in July where we saw 80+ give their lives to Christ!!!!
- started training for a half-marathon (hampered by various things) but am now starting that training again...
- I started enjoying cooking, trying new recipes, & sort of inventing new recipes of my own...
- I learned how to (and still learning) knit!!
- my friends have been beyond awesome to me and being there for me through it all!

Thankful for all God has done in this last year & I hope that as this year comes to a close (literally in 2.5 hours) that you will pause to praise God for all that He has done for you this year and all that He will do for you in 2013!

struggles & comfort

           I have fought writing this blog entry for the last few days but I know that it is one that God wants me to write.
           I have struggled my whole life with being vulnerable. Mostly because I hate being the center of attention. But yet I know that being vulnerable can help one deal with things & it can help others who dealing with similar things. So here I am writing this entry, praying that God will use it for His glory and along the way that it will help someone who has dealt with similar things as I have.
             As many of you know my dad passed away almost a year and half ago from the complications of many health problems. I have come to realize that I suppressed a lot of my emotions during the holidays last year. Honestly, I think I tried to push my dad's death to the furthest corner of my mind as I could and tried not to think about last year during the holiday season. Well since the one year anniversary of my dad's death in July, my mom & dad's anniversary on Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas I have had a very hard time dealing with his death. When trying to deal with his death and some other things a couple of weeks ago, I spent some time praying and listening to the song Lead Me to the Cross. I prayed that the Lord would lead me to the Jesus & the cross in dealing with my emotions. I had been reading the book of Matthew in my quiet times. Well yesterday I finished reading the book of Matthew. The very last verse of the last chapter, which says "And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age," stuck out to me. Because Jesus came to this earth as a baby, lived a perfect life, and died on the cross He is always with me in the form of the Holy Spirit. This Christmas (and everyday after that) I am thankful for the reminder that God came to the earth as a baby so that He could be Emanuel "God with us." Oh what comfort this is as I deal with my dad's death and other things that I face in life.
         I pray that this has been a comfort for those who have lost loved ones & struggle with their loss at any point in their life. I also pray that this is a reminder for others what Christmas is really about.


P.S. My dad died a believer so praise Jesus my dad no longer suffers & I get to see him again one day in Heaven!!

Heartbroken

 Tonight my heart is broken and at a lost for words for what happened in Connecticut today. I  pray for those directly and indirectly effected by the horrific tragedy that they would be held in the arms of Jesus as they try to understand, just as I try to, what has happened. I'm sure there are a lot of opinions on things should be handled or what needs to be done to prevent this from happening. I am staying away from that. I do encourage you to 1) pray for all involved 2) continue to pray for & share the Gospel with lost people in your life (it can & will have a lasting impact on tragedies like this) 3) make sure to let loved ones & friends know how much you love,cherish, & appreciate them
  I will leave with the words to the chorus of the song "Our God":
 "Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
  Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!"


Needed to write this post because my thoughts were too long to tweet or to post on facebook

Weighty issue

   Since I started studying the book of Genesis in BSF this year, the tie between sin and its effects has weighed heavily on my heart. (Not that I've never recognized sin and its effects before..that is one of the first steps to becoming a believer). The very first sin changed the course of history (there is now death, natural disasters, there is sickness & disease, etc), as does sin in our lives. Sin can and will drastically alter our lives. Just as God has shown me the weightiness of sin, God has shown me the vastness of His mercy! He was merciful to Adam & Eve when He removed them from the place where sin occurred and took them out of the garden. He was merciful to Cain when He would allow no one to kill him after he had killed his own brother. He has also shown mercy to me at the Cross and allowed me to have life when I deserve death! And even more incredible He makes those mercies a new everyday from Lamentations 3:22-23 (which He reminded me of tonight) and allows me to have a relationship with Him and u no longer have to be seperated from Hum because of my sin!

Just wanted to share what God had been teaching me recently :-)

A new hobby...

            Recently I have started cooking a lot of my meals. Partially to be more frugal with my money and partially to be more healthy I rarely even use the microwave except to reheat leftovers. That sentence alone would not have existed in my vocabulary six months ago. I used to eat anything and everything that was microwavable and never had leftovers to eat because I never cooked! Anyways, this cooking of my meals has led me to venture out and try new recipes. A good friend of mine told me of this website www.skinnytaste.com and how all their recipes were easy and healthy! So I've tried a few things from there: such as

Kale Chips

Garlic Roasted Cauliflower w/ Toasted Asaigo Cheese Breadcrumbs

Stuffed Pepper Soup

I have also made things such as lasagna and homemade waffles.  I am not at all trying to say look at what I have done....I just find it amusing (at least to me it is) that I suddenly enjoy cooking and when I get spare time I'm anxious to try find a new recipe to try making. I like seeing (and tasting!) the end results and knowing exactly what I have put into my food that I am eating. Just a new thing I like to do that I thought I'd share..

P.S. the next new thing that needs to follow is collecting these recipes in one spot (: