I have fought writing this blog entry for the last few days but I know that it is one that God wants me to write.
I have struggled my whole life with being vulnerable. Mostly because I hate being the center of attention. But yet I know that being vulnerable can help one deal with things & it can help others who dealing with similar things. So here I am writing this entry, praying that God will use it for His glory and along the way that it will help someone who has dealt with similar things as I have.
As many of you know my dad passed away almost a year and half ago from the complications of many health problems. I have come to realize that I suppressed a lot of my emotions during the holidays last year. Honestly, I think I tried to push my dad's death to the furthest corner of my mind as I could and tried not to think about last year during the holiday season. Well since the one year anniversary of my dad's death in July, my mom & dad's anniversary on Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas I have had a very hard time dealing with his death. When trying to deal with his death and some other things a couple of weeks ago, I spent some time praying and listening to the song Lead Me to the Cross. I prayed that the Lord would lead me to the Jesus & the cross in dealing with my emotions. I had been reading the book of Matthew in my quiet times. Well yesterday I finished reading the book of Matthew. The very last verse of the last chapter, which says "And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age," stuck out to me. Because Jesus came to this earth as a baby, lived a perfect life, and died on the cross He is always with me in the form of the Holy Spirit. This Christmas (and everyday after that) I am thankful for the reminder that God came to the earth as a baby so that He could be Emanuel "God with us." Oh what comfort this is as I deal with my dad's death and other things that I face in life.
I pray that this has been a comfort for those who have lost loved ones & struggle with their loss at any point in their life. I also pray that this is a reminder for others what Christmas is really about.
P.S. My dad died a believer so praise Jesus my dad no longer suffers & I get to see him again one day in Heaven!!